Early Film Titles 2

I really love this web show called "Welcome to the Basement" (where these two friends watch, mock and discuss movies) and in honor of one of their episodes where they viewed an early silent film, I did a post about the goddamned stupid titles they used to give films around the turn of the century. So I decided to do another one.

The following are all honest-to-god film titles from the early 1900s (1920 is my completely arbitrary cut-off point), and you can look these titles up on IMDB if you don't believe me. There's a lot of implied racism and weird stuff about poultry here. Enjoy.

P.S. Every single title from 1902 sounds like a porno. So, all of you porn producers who are reading my blog right now . . . you can pack up the "Dirty Title" meeting I know you must be having, and go home early. You're welcome.

1902
The Boys Think They Have One on Foxy Grandpa, But He Fools Them; or, Foxy Grandpa Plays Banjo As Well As He Dances
Boys Take Grandpa's Cigars with Distressing Results
Foxy Grandpa Shows the Boys a Trick or Two with the Tramp
A Romp on the Lawn
Mischievous Willie's Rocking Chair Motor
The Accommodating Cow
They Found the Leak
What Ho, She Bumps!

1907
Where is My Hair?
An Awful Skate; or The Hobo on Rollers

1908
The Red Man and the Child      [Racism #1]
Deceived Slumming Party     
The Greaser's Gauntlet            [Racism #2]
Monday Morning in a Coney Island Police Court
Romance of a Jewess               [Racism #3]
The Feud and the Turkey         [Poultry #1]
The Invisible Fluid
Who is Smoking that Rope?
An Obstinate Tooth
An All-Wool Garment
Oh, What Lungs!
Just Like a Woman

1909
Those Awful Hats
The Suicide Club
Her First Biscuits
Mrs. Jones' Lover; or, "I Want My Hat"
Oh, Uncle!
Wanted, a Child
In a Hempen Bag
Eloping with Auntie
A Case of Tomatoes
Scenes from the World's Largest Pigeon Farm   [Poultry #2]
Too Much Dog Biscuit

1910
The Affair of an Egg
That Chink at Golden Gulch           [Racism #4]
The Dumb Half-Breed's Defense    [Racism #5]
The Count that Counted
The Brother, the Sister and the Cowpuncher
The Ostrich and the Lady              [Poultry #2]
Electric Insoles

1911
Hank and Lank: They Make a Mash
His Bogus Uncle

1912
The Musketeers of Pig Alley
The Goddess of Sagebrush Gulch
Lena and the Geese                 [Poultry #3]
The Biter Bitten

1913
A Misappropriated Turkey         [Poultry #4]
Broncho Billy Gets Square
Broncho Billy's Squareness
Wine
Rastus and the Game Cock      [Racism #6 AND Poultry #5]
Help! Help! Hydrophobia!

1914
The Fatal Mallet
Fatty's Wine Party
Shelley and a Turkey                 [Poultry #6]
Nell's Eugenic Wedding             [Probably Racism #7]
Chicken Chaser                         [Poultry #7]

1915
Too Much Turkey                        [Poultry #8]
Broncho Billy and the Greaser   [Racism #8]
Broncho Billy's Greaser Deputy [Racism #9]
Broncho Billy's Mexican Wife
Broncho Billy, Sheepman

1916
The Half-Breed                       [Racism #10]
Poultry a la Mode                   [Poultry #9]

1917
Luke Pipes the Pippins
Luke's Fatal Flivver
Luke Does the Midway   [Is that like Debbie Does Dallas?]
Luke and the Bang-Tails
Lonesome Luke, Lawyer
Lonesome Luke, Plumber
Stop! Luke! Listen!
Are Waitresses Safe?

1918
An Enemy of Soap
Kicking the Germ out of Germany    [an anonymous commenter has, quite rightly, nominated this for Racism #11]

1919
Hustling for Health

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6 Responses to Early Film Titles 2

  1. Anonymous says:

    Superb. My face hurts from the strange and bewildered facial expressions that post prompted. Also, I vote that ‘Kicking the Germ out of Germany’ is racism #7.

    Like

  2. hearts_blood says:

    Brilliant! I’m sending this list to all the erotica writers I know.

    Like

  3. coeli says:

    “Greaser,” used in three titles is a slur against Mexicans. And while the name Rastus might or might not qualify by itself it generally signifies the use of awful minstrel-show stock caricatures of black people (especially since it seems to be paired here with cock-fighting, poultry theft, or both).

    Bigotry as far as the eye can see! Great list, though.

    Like

    • Oh, good lord, I didn’t know any of those things! I always heard “Greaser” used as a slur against bikers, although I think your explanation makes more sense in the context of the wild west films. Time to update the list. I should basically put [Racism] next to all the titles, just to be safe.

      Like

  4. Pingback: Victorian Mad Libs | BizarreVictoria

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