Eight Types of Drunk Ladies

I found this story on the History of Love blog here. This is possibly NSFW, due to some bawdy illustrations.

In 1795, a satirical pamphlet called ‘Samples of Sweethearts and Wives’ by Richard Newton was published depicting how unattractive it is for young ladies to be drunk, in eight particular ways. This is obviously riffing on a pamphlet published by Thomas Nashe in 1592 called "Pierce Pennilesse," within which was written a list describing the "Eight Kindes of Drunkennes."

Nashe's list is more for drunks in general, and less specifically about women. He says:


"The first is ape drunke; and he leapes, and singes, and hollowes, and danceth for the heavens;

"The second is lion drunke; and he flings the pots about the house, calls his hostesse whore, breakes the glasse windowes with his dagger, and is apt to quarrell with anie man that speaks to him;

"The third is swine drunke; heavie, lumpish, and sleepie, and cries for a little more drinke, and a fewe more cloathes;

"The fourth is sheepe drunk; wise in his conceipt, when he cannot bring foorth a right word;

"The fifth is mawdlen drunke; when a fellowe will weepe for kindnes in the midst of ale, and kisse you, saying, "By God, captaine, I love thee. Goe thy wayes; thou dost not thinke so often of me as I doo thee; I would (if it pleased God) I could not love thee as well as I doo;" and then he puts his finger in his eye, and cryes;

"The sixth is Martin drunke; when a man is drunke, and drinkes himselfe sober ere he stirre;

"The seventh is goate drunke; when, in his drunkennes, he hath no minde but on lecherie;

"The eighth is fox drunke—when he is craftie drunke, as manie of the Dutchmen bee, that will never bargaine but when they are drunke."

Now, with that background in mind, we can return to the 1795 list and see how little has changed in all this time.

The First Lady Drunk is the Lady Drunk who really loves gin. Like, "takes her clothes off" loves it:
"May we have in our arms what we love in our hearts–No tax upon gin! Here we go up, up, up–and there we go down, down down!"

The Second Lady Drunk is the Unbalanced Lady Drunk:
"Bless me, is that the Sun or the Moon see above there!"

The Third Lady Drunk is an Abusive Lady Drunk, and also I have no idea what's happening in this picture or why there is a naked grave digger wearing lipstick:
"Hollo! damn your blood, you old Faggot [not a slur for a gay man, but an insult for an older woman], where are you coming to?"

The Fourth Lady Drunk is the Puking Cupcake:
"Too much of a good thing!"

The Fifth Lady Drunk is the Lady Drunk who doesn't realize she's naked. And who can also contort her elbows backwards. And may or may not be discussing giving gin to her young child:
"I'm a little sickish or so, but no matter–I've given Sal her gruel!–She'll drink gin with me! blast me she could as soon swallow the fat Landlady!"

The Sixth Lady Drunk is me the "I Can't Walk" Lady Drunk:
"She's got her quantum, by jingo! She smells as sweet as a daisy! but no matter, I'll get the blunt in the morning from her old Goat of a Keeper [husband]. Pon my conscience and soul he will have a precious bedfellow of her tonight!"

The Seventh Drunk Lady is also me the "Hey, did you know there was a wall there?" Drunk Lady:

"What's that for, you saucy rascal! Here, Watch! Watch! Watch! Lord a mercy upon me what a blow! My poor head spins like a top!"

And the Eighth Drunk Lady is the Marion Ravenwood Drunk Lady, who can outdrink all the men and function perfectly:
"Stick–close–my dear–Charlotte–Hold up your head, my lily of the valley–I am as sober as a Judge–Women and Wine for ever, damn me!"

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2 Responses to Eight Types of Drunk Ladies

  1. linda_lupos says:

    and then he puts his finger in his eye, and cryes


    As a Dutch person, Fox Drunk makes me laugh. Hee!


  2. Nice to see things haven’t changed much. I’m thinking of all the New Years Eve pictures that are always published the morning after. LOL


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