Mrs. Alice Baldwin’s Thoughts on the Male Member

I found this story from following @HistoryWeird on Twitter. Their post is here. The original source was Letters from Alice Baldwin to Frank  Baldwin dated September 5th 1869; October 1st 1870; June 22nd 1873.

American Major-General Frank D. Baldwin spent a great deal of time away from his devoted and hilarious wife, Alice, during his army campaigns. They wrote to each other frequently. Thankfully, Alice was not the type to mince words for the sake of feminine delicacy. In 1870, she wrote to Frank to inform him about a flasher she saw on a train, and boy did she tell him exactly what she thought of it:

"There was a man showed his conflumux [penis] to me at one station where we stopped . . . while I was looking out the window. I thought he might have saved himself the trouble because I had seen one before."

If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

Here are Frank and Alice. As you can see, she's still terribly unimpressed.

The couple had a great deal of intimacy, which was apparent in the way that they wrote to each other. She may not have thought much of the flasher, but she WAS impressed by her husband's John Thomas. She writes of her husband's first girlfriend: "I felt real  queer and strange when I heard you had half a mind to marry another girl. I thought I held undivided your love. Well it's too late now. Nellie Smith don't know what she escaped. She would have been killed at one nab of your old Long Tom." Oh myyyyyyyyyyy.

 In 1873, she playfully scolds him for "casting sly glances at Mrs Sowter's bubbies. You ought to be ashamed". Guys, Flashman would LOVE this lady.

In addition, she wrote what probably amounted to a precursor to phone sex (I don't think telegram sex was ever a thing, but correct me if I'm wrong). She writes:

"How are you this hot day? I am most roasted and my chemise sticks to me and the sweat runs down my legs and I suppose I smell very sweet, don't you wish you could be around just now?"

Oh, Alice. You little minx. Well, whatever it takes to keep that spark alive.

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